Breath Holding
This is another not so uncommon complaint. To the onlooker it appears frightening. A minor injury, frustration or slapping may precipitate the episode. The child starts crying in a very prolonged fashion without “breaking” the cry. As a result, he expels out the air from his lungs and since he is not inhaling during the crying, he gets a lack of oxygen in the body. It is just like you holding your breath for a prolonged period.
The child starts becoming blue, may lose consciousness and may even have a fit (convulsion) due to the lack of oxygen. Frightening as the description is, it is benign in that nothing happens to the child even if he becomes blue and has a transient fit. Parents get extremely frightened at the sight of their child getting blue and if he starts convulsing, it can drive them into a state of acute panic. So they start showering the child with all the attention, massaging and soothing him.
Some of the more adventurous may even try to give him cardiac massage and mouth to mouth breathing. Paradoxically this attention is the last thing, which is desired, as the child is doing this to seek attention, and he is succeeding in it, thereby positively reinforcing the behaviour. So this behaviour will continue. The most effective way to extinguish such behaviour is to remain calm and walk out and away from the child completely ignoring him, even if he is limp or convulsing.
Once the child realizes that such behaviour is not producing the desired effect i.e. gaining parental attention, after a few more trials, he will give it up. An interesting point is how to distinguish whether a child is having a fit primarily and not secondary to a “breath holding” episode. It is simple. In case of a fit, the child’s body will twitch first and later on he will become blue, whil£ in a “breath holding spell” the child will become blue first and later on have twitching i.e. it is vice-versa.
Aggressiveness
What constitutes aggressiveness and where to draw the dividing line between normal and abnormal aggressiveness? Some children are a bit hyperactive and aggressive by nature, and have a tendency to boss and dominate over others. As long as it remains within the limits of acceptable social behaviour and doesn’t result in harm or injury to others, it is tolerable and normal.
Another very important thing is that the child should not take a ‘perverse’ pleasure in attacking or bullying others. The parents have to teach the child that just being bigger or stronger doesn’t mean that he can encroach upon the right of others and do whatever he likes, without caring for the feeling of others. He has to be taught that every child has an equal right as he has. Once he understands that what he is doing is not liked by his parents and is not correct, he will feel guilty about it and tend to avoid such type of behaviour.
Timidity
A child at the tender age of 2-3 years lets others take her toys away or to push her around. She may come to the parents crying and complaining every time. This may worry the parents that their child is not able to stand up on her own but always comes running seeking their intervention. In most cases, it is a temporary affair, and as the child grows older, and gains more experience in social interaction, she recognises her rights and is ready to resist.
In the initial stages it is wise for the parents not to interfere too much, not to fight her battles for her and not to show too much concern as it may make the child dependent on them for petty matters. Rather tell her casually to go back and get the toy back on her own. If there is a particularly aggressive child in the neighbourhood, who bullies others and doesn’t understand reason, it is wise not to let your child interact with him. If he comes and wants to play with your child, you can tell him that he should go and seek company of equal ones.