Being told that you have Alzheimer’s can set off a range of emotions in you and your loved ones. You may be outraged that you’ve been diagnosed with a hfe-threatening illness, saddened by the loss of a once powerful intellect, or frustrated by your inability to perform as you once could. Or, just as likely, you could feel all three emotions at different times. All of these reactions are very normal responses to a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. How you choose to cope with them how¬ever, can make a big difference in how you adapt to your condition.
DENIAL
You do not want to admit that you have a chronic disease, so you tell yourself that everything is okay. You feel fine. You can still handle money, drive the car, and go to the store. You can still carry on a conversation with your friends and do your job fairly effec¬tively. But deep down, you know it’s becoming more difficult to perform these everyday tasks. In short, you may be in denial.
This simple strategy has enabled many of us to get through some of life’s most difficult circumstances. For instance, we might deny that we’re unhappily married in order to avoid the economic hardships that can come with a painful divorce. But in some people who have early Alzheimer’s, what may appear to be denial to outsiders may in reality be a lack of awareness of the ill¬ness. You may simply be oblivious to your diminished faculties and compensating in ways that you don’t find bothersome.
According to Daniel Kuhn, author of Alzheimer’s Early Stages, personal awareness of Alzheimer’s fluctuates in the early phases of Alzheimer’s Disease, but is generally lower than might be expected because of the effects of the disease. “Most people don’t dwell on their impair¬ments or they find ways to excuse them,” he writes. Instead, they begin to gradually adapt to their condition by accepting their limi¬tations and lowering their expectations. But to the outside world, these people may appear to be in denial of their illness.
It’s easy to understand why someone would want to deny that they have Alzheimer’s. And in many cases, it’s okay to be in some denial as you gradually come to terms with your condition. But if your denial is jeopardizing your health and safety, then you may need to talk to a social worker, your physician or a close family member or friend. The sooner you come to terms with your diag¬nosis, the sooner you’ll learn to live with it.
ANGER
Perhaps you are outraged to discover you have Alzheimer’s, espe¬cially if you’ve been vigilant about your health. You may feel that life is unfair, and that you’ve already had your share of trauma. You may be outraged at the fact you can no longer balance your check¬book, drive to the mall, or follow a simple recipe.
Anger over something you can’t control is a normal emotion, one you’re likely to experience at least on occasion when you have Alzheimer’s. The constant presence of an incurable disease can make anyone angry and bitter. As a result you may become easily irritated, even with loved ones who are trying to care for you.
If you find yourself frequently angry, try to pinpoint the source of your anger. Maybe it’s the feelings of helplessness. Or maybe you hate the way you can no longer participate in conver¬sations with ease. Perhaps you don’t like feeling different from other people. Talk to your caregiver, a social worker, or a friend about your feelings. If you can, keep a log to vent your anger. Consider joining a support group with other people who have Alzheimer’s. You will certainly discover that there are plenty of others who share your anger about having this disease.
What the Caregiver Can Do
Whether your loved one shares your feelings with you or not, you will know that he is angry if he is irritable, sullen, and withdrawn. These are emotional cues that suggest inward anger, even if the patient is not outwardly ranting.
To help ease his anger, let him voice his displeasure without any comments from you. Don’t give him difficult tasks that may cause confusion, which will only upset the person. At the same time, don’t insult him by giving him tasks that are so overly sim¬ple they seem condescending.
Also, speak slowly and clearly, and never talk about the patient in his presence as if he’s not there. Don’t barrage him with too many questions at a time, which can be overwhelming. Avoid star-ding the person. Offer help subtly when he appears to need it, but don’t automatically assume a lack of competence. If the person erupts in a tirade, invite him out for a walk that might help him cool down.
Frequent episodes of anger may actually be a symptom of de-pression. So be on the lookout for other signs of depression, such as withdrawing, crying, persistent sadness, and feelings of worth-lessness. Depression can be treated, which may alleviate some of the anger and hostility.