One of the biggest challenges you’ll face after being diagnosed is figuring out who needs to know about your condition.
Some people consider a medical diagnosis of any kind beyond a cold a closely guarded secret. Others may feel comfortable detailing the nitty-gritty details of their health and medical history. How you generally feel about discussing your health with friends and family will be a big factor in whether you decide to disclose that you have Alzheimer’s.
In reality, keeping the disease a secret at this stage may not be difficult for you. You may still be able to cover up your bouts of forgetfulness and confusion. You may be able to disguise your difficulties with communication by nodding and smiling. You may also be able to drive, work, and carry on your daily activities without obvious signs of a problem. At this point, you may choose to limit the numbers of people who know to those in your closest circle of family and friends.
But keep in mind that as the condition advances, it will become increasingly difficult for you and your loved ones to mask your problems. Memory lapses will become apparent and your ability to do everyday tasks will slowly diminish. Your silence may also cause close family members to feel isolated because they can’t share their despair with others.
For some people at this point, sharing the diagnosis is a welcome relief. Once others know that you have Alzheimer’s, they may better understand why you are perpetually late, why you forget lunch dates, and why staying focused on a conversation is becoming increasingly difficult for you. That kind of understanding may relieve you of the stress and anxiety of keeping your condition a secret.
Of course, not everyone may respond to your news in the way you hope. Some friends may be terrified of your diagnosis and may begin to distance themselves from you. Others, on the other hand, may offer emotional support and practical assistance. It’s hard to know how people will react to your diagnosis until you actually disclose it.
Whether you choose to keep your diagnosis a secret or divulge it to everyone who knows you is something that you and your loved ones need to discuss, with your wishes carefully considered. But keep in mind that keeping your diagnosis a secret can last only so long. Eventually, your symptoms will become apparent and obvious, even to people who don’t know you well. At that point, you may have to disclose your illness.
What the Caregiver Can Do
Ask your loved one how he feels about revealing his diagnosis to specific people at this time. Maybe he doesn’t mind if his friends know, but would prefer to keep it a secret from his colleagues at work for now. Or maybe he’d rather that everyone know upfront about his condition.
If he’s resistant to disclosure, respect those wishes, especially if he is still able to hold his own in conversations on the job and in the community. But do find out when he thinks it might be appropriate to let others know of his condition.
Ask him too, how he’d like the information to be revealed. Some people might prefer telling friends and family in person, in a one-on-one setting. Others might prefer to do it by phone or email. Still others might ask that you, the caregiver, write a letter. In any case, when you do reveal the condition, do encourage family and friends to offer their support through this very difficult period.