Reading through the literature on stress, we can find some psychological answers to coping with stress that are far from simple to implement in everyday life. They emphasize the importance of manipulating feelings of control, predictability, outlets for frustration, social connectedness, and the perception of whether things are worsening or improving.
These messages are used in stress management seminars, therapy sessions and many books on the topic. In one form or the other, these same thoughts are propounded by motivational speakers and new-age gurus where they emphasize finding means to gain at least some degree of control in difficult situations, viewing bad situations as discrete events rather than permanent or pervasive, finding appropriate outlets for frustration and means of social support and solace in difficult times.
Many speakers use glib phrases and nice-sounding simple sentences to capture the basic techniques. Personally, I am very sceptical about such glib talk. It is nice to enunciate a general principle but that leaves many ordinary people clueless as to how it should be implemented in practice. Here is my personal list of mental strategies gleaned from the literature. I have tried to avoid making generaliza-tions or offering vague prescriptions. The first step is to accurately recognize the signs of stress and to identify the situations most responsible for it. There are some ways to proceed after that:
• One successful strategy is to find an outletfor life’s frustra-tions. Typically, many people find a hobby a nice diversion. Try and choose an activity that will require some acrive participation. For example, watching TV is not a good choice. Drawing, craft, music (playing not just listening), hiking, knitting, crochet, playing any sports are all excellent choices. Many people may find regular prayer and worship (performing pooja) or visiting the temple as an excellent alternative. Set aside a time to do it and do it regularly. A simple word of caution: make the outlet a benign one for those around you and do not stress your family while doing it. Practising to play the bugle may be good for you but doing it in a small apartment in the city is not a good idea. Choose an outlet that you find personally pleasing. Prayer, meditation, reading, classical music, and sports—each may help some people but not others.
In subsequent sections, we will give some information on these techniques and some of the scientific studies conducted to study their effects. If someone tries to sell you some activity as being helpful for stress reduction, you should read the fine print carefully and not buy the over-hyped claims. There is no scientific study showing the benefit of one form over the other in reducing the effects of stress. There is only anecdotal evidence and it should be treated with healthy scepticism. It is best to trust one’s own instincts and go with what seems best. Many times in life we are faced with situations that seem hopeless. Accidental death, disability, terminal illnesses are situations that are beyond our control. In the face of terrible news that is beyond control, beyond prevention, beyond healing, a state of denial may be the only answer. Such denial is not only permissible but may be the only means of maintaining sanity. This point was brought home in the case of a colleague whose teenage daughter died in an accident. The parents were too distraught and there were no words of consolation that could be offered. For a few months, they basically were in denial about their daughter’s death and it allowed them to function. Later, they slowly came to grips with the situation. But in the initial phases, the denial was their only way to maintain sanity.
• In the face of problems that are not life-and-death situations, one should hope, but protectively and rationally. Find ways to view even the most stressful of situations as holding promise ofimprovement but do not deny the possibility that things will not improve. Balance these two opposing trends carefully. Hope for the best and let that dominate most of your emotions. At the same time, let one small piece of you prepare for the worst. This was clearly illustrated in the case of a friend whose four-year-old son was diagnosed with leukaemia. It was diagnosed early and the prognosis was good. However, there was always the possibility that it may not be cured. In such situations it is best to have cautious optimism.
• Those who cope with stress successfully tend to seek control over future events in the face of stressors. They do not try to control, in the present, things that have already come to pass. They do not try to control future events that are uncontrollable and do not try to fix things that are not broken or that are broken beyond repair. When faced with a large wall of stressors, one should not assume that there will be a breakthrough, one single controlling solution that will make the wall disappear. It is futile to wait for the avatar or ‘redeemer’ to set everything right in one moment. For many people, we see that they wait for a miracle or some sudden change in fortune as the solution to all their problems. This hope sustains them in their daily life but does not improve their lot.
Success will be built one brick at a time. Assume that the stress wall can be scaled by a series of footholds of control, each one small but still capable of giving support. • It is important to find sources of social affiliation. In my opinion, this is one of the most successful strategies for coping with stress. Evolution has favoured humans with all the tools for socialization and it will be the best tool for coping with stress. Even in this age of increasingly individualistic view of most people, we yearn to be a part of something larger than ourselves. The key is not to mistake true affdiation for mere socializing. It is necessary to be patient; most of us will probably spend a lifetime learning how to be truly good friends and spouses.
Friends who make you laugh are one of life’s greatest blessings. Here’s where the right social network pays off. One of the most important anti-stress coping skills is to develop a social support system, including pets. When 1,200 septuagenarians (people in their 70s) were studied over seven years, emotional support was significantly correlated with better cognitive function, such as language, verbal and non-verbal memory, abstract reasoning, and spatial ability.
Researchers at the University of Zurich observed that a friend’s supportive presence might work with hormones in the body to reduce stress. Men were less stressed when their best friend was present or when they were given a nasal of dose of oxytocin, an anti-stress hormone. Just the presence of a best friend, however, was better than oxytocin alone at reducing stress.
In very simple terms, in the face of adversity, we need to show flexibility, resiliency and pick wind.our battles carefully. A Quaker prayer puts these same sentiments in a far more beautiful and elegant manner.